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Not exactly posting a snippet a day. But I have returned, so that's something.

Saturday was rubbish. Huge fight. Big storm. Loads of stress. But we did play an awesome game of Civ with the kiddos; Chris joined us and it was truly great. I'm so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone (and my interests) and learned how to play a video game the kids love.

Funny aside, the boys friends all think it's REALLY cool that their mom plays with them. I don't know if it's homeschoolers or what but when I was a kid that was not cool. Not at all.

Sunday we got up at the butt-crack of dawn, did race prep, packed all the packables and drove a few towns over for a 10K; Chris's final race of the triathlon season which was intended to be an evaluation of his run speed. It was very, very quiet in this sleepy little town, almost like everyone was recovering from a big event the day before...

Yep, the race was Saturday. So we drove back home. He was sad. End of season is hard enough without missing a last hurrah season-closing race.

I got everyone assembled and we headed out to McMenamins Edgefield in Troutdale. We managed to get all eight passport stamps, had terrific burgers and Chris and I went on a distillery tour which was fascinating. I had no idea brandy is distilled wine and whiskey is distilled hop-free beer. There is so much art mixed in with the science.

The still in Edgefield is state-of-the-art and is a copper marvel replete with gauges, dials and levers. The one out here at Imbrie Hall (that I cannot wait to see) is ancient. It was in use by monks in France for over 200 years, lost in an abandoned building for at least a century and then rediscovered and shipped to Hillsboro. It's a 'swan's neck' and there are only a handful left in world, two are in the PNW. It doesn't even have a thermometers. To use it you attach a coffee can on a string with candle wax to the spout. Then you fill the kettle with the whiskey wash. When the wax melts causing the can to clatter to the ground making a loud racket, you can expect the alcohol to start flowing from the spout in about ten minutes. Such magic and mystery.

Barrel making is also a fascinating topic. There are no machines to make wooden staved vessels, they are all hand-cut and fit together - without any adhesive - into the perfect, water tight home for wine and spirits. If we're ever in Wyoming I'll make a point to visit a cooperage. I'd love to find out if barrel making is a family business or if people outside the industry are drawn to it.

Gotta run and ready my home for the ladies.
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My hip and knee was too sore to go to the gym this morning (bummed that I hurt my knee after my work out. During at least would have had some cred).

With the extra two hours(ish) of day I stripped all the beds, washed the sheets, restored order to the household, worked on the several-days-now project that is Triple Rum Cake with Black Pepper and voted. I love mailing in my vote. It's so much nicer than waiting in line for three hours like we did last time.

And I may have finished a custom order that is giving me trouble. I was about to mail it to her no charge and tell her to throw it out if she wants but it's finally coming together. Again... ish.

The art show I'm doing in November contacted me asking if I would contribute five pieces to a cash and carry, month long art exhibit. I happily agreed but now the stock I was planning to sell at the art show is perilously low. So I am painting and creating all I can. Art on demand is my worst thing so I don't know how it's all going to work but I'm happy doing it.

An old friend called and at the end of an hour long talk she said they aren't coming for Thanksgiving as planned. I was thrilled. Adding nine people (they have 7 kids, 18-4) to our house would have been madness. My first move was to start booking a trip to Seattle to stay over Thursday night, eat seafood (no turkey dinner!) and then be there for the Macy's Santa Parade Friday morning. But then with a little googling I discovered that Portland celebrates Christmas too. The fact that this never occurred to me before is bonkers. PDX even has a Macy's Christmas Parade. And Zoo Lights (which we love) are an awful lot like Garden de'Lights in Seattle. I'm seriously considering relocating our traditions to OR. Wouldn't that be convenient, cost-efficient and manageable.

My back went haywire as it is prone to do this time of year. I decided that instead of fighting it I'd just take my meds and rest. It was WAY less exhausting. And I was able to paint, hang with the kiddos and get a few gentle, easy things done.

Wins:

* Avery might be done vision therapy a few weeks earlier than expected. All of a sudden he's graduating through exercises and rushing towards the end. Yay!!!

* Chris booked our hotel in St. Croix for May 1st to 7th. Shit just got real :-)

* Voting!

Losses:

* Took box of pretty backyard lights to C. and said he had to either hang them, put them in storage until next year or return them to Costco as having them sitting in our bedroom for five months was over. He did not like my bossiness. I do not like a large box of lights on my floor.

* Ate a whole lot of Flaming Hot Munchie Mix. Noted that good food choices and meds do not go hand in hand.

Thoughts: The zombie play from last night lingered in all our minds today. The writer said that afterwards you might notice it's about something other than zombies and I think it was about suicide, mental illness and how when things get twisted we can romanticize a beautiful, poetic end that in reality is brutal and ugly. And that sometimes we don't see that truth until it's eating your face... so to speak ;-)
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We went to a play tonight at Post 5 theatre called The Last Days. The characters were a brother, sister and their partners all stuck in a cabin in the woods during a zombie apocalypse.

It was amazing and a tremendous example of storytelling done right.

I especially loved how everything revealed about the characters fit. I was unsurprised - in the most impressive way - and enjoyed how the emotional bread crumbs the writer left were not obvious like the proverbial shotgun on the mantle.

And at $15 a ticket it was quite the bargain too.
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I finally remembered this place, funny how when you need to journal you get the memory jog.

My health has been failing me and subsequently I've been failing everyone else. Pain continues to chew away at me long after people have grown weary of the 'excuse' of it. And so days have been slipping away from me really quickly, and weeks and now months.

I think the big downfall of TMS as a (self-made) diagnosis/treatment is the built in assumption that you should expect terrible debilitating pain and loss of mobility when your stress overflows. But I can't be laid up every time my life throws feelings my way. How is that workable?

I admit that I've taken Trenton leaving poorly; while plowing through with a smile. But I'm not sure how to not take it poorly. We're a very close family. And now I talk to him every ten days or so and the answer to my very gently phrased questions is usually, "that's private" or, "I don't know. I'm just living one moment at a time." We used to talk for hours. Every single day. My life is different now.

And home has changed too. I hired Trenton to tutor Avery and Brayden for math and programming. Taking that back on and doing all the prep is daunting and exhausting. Which isn't a complaint but I don't know how to juggle it all. Or how to help everyone through their emotions around Trenton being gone when I can't quite navigate it clearly myself.

All this isn't meant to be a gloomy complaint, or a rant or a cry for attention. It's an acknowledgement that I'm not in a terrific place right now even though so many things are going well for me.
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I have too many injuries. I'm at the point where I'm re-bruising bruises and tearing open half-healed scabs. It's not cool.

And all the mind-work in the world can't hold back the onslaught of triggers all the pain is causing.

I fell in the bathroom this morning. Hair-related. *sigh* And it was a windmilling, people downstairs asking what was that crash, full embrace of the tile, wipe-out. Hip. Shoulder. Knee. So much contact.

This is the first day I was feeling better after getting sun stroke on Sunday. In Canada we call it sunstroke. Apparently it's sun poisoning in the US. Either way, the fever, hypothermia, fever, vomiting, headache... misery capped off by a raging sunburn took me out. And I fainted with it and got a nasty rug burn on my elbow when I went down.

I'm so used to not being able to participate I forget to stop, rest and recover now that I can go overly-long without my body stopping me. It's like 2004 again. But, ow.

So there. Whining over. Time to nap, eat something nourishing. Take another dose of Advil and remember that this too shall pass.

Hello World

Jul. 8th, 2014 10:26 pm
perkynihilist: (Default)
Hey Everyone,

I set up an account here tonight, looking forward to reading your blogs and finding new people to share with.

Warmly,
Nicole

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